Questioning My Religion

Not quite the REM classic "Losing My Religion", but close!

Hamo posted about the fact he's asking questions about the church, and for me I know his feeling - I have been asking questions of myself and of my church experience for a long time.

A friend of mine reminded me that questions in and of themselves are OK, they might lead to a "better Yes" in decision making. However, I feel like the questions I ask of my religious experience are accusations that make me feel more and more alone as a Christian because I don't necessarily "buy into" all the baggage that may go along with church.

I'm talking here mainly about Sunday morning church. I have felt out of place at my own church for a long time. I often feel like the stuff we talk about just adds to my "head knowledge" of God and the Bible but does not impact my real life. I can just remember last week's sermon, if pushed, I could probably remember what we covered the week before, but prior to that it's a big blur running together. It seems like my spirituality is best left at church, because the rest of my week and how I live my life don't really get talked about (or there's no avenue for me to talk about it). And mostly, I feel like our previously informal gathering has solidified into the old-fashioned church. I don't even know everyone there. And it gets me down when I hear people saying, "Wasn't that great, we had xx number of people here today, that's up from last week" because just having more people surely does not mean a better church, does it?

I have also felt very wary in the past of certain things that go on in Christiandom, without really knowing why: the recent Franklin Graham crusade in Melbourne, the little-too-cheesy "40 Days of Purpose" book (that I did actually read), the little niche of marketing that is "Christian" books and music and entertainment. They all get me rubbed the wrong way.

Yes, that was a big rant, and yes, this is the first time I've publicly admitted my feelings in this matter. I do still believe in God and know that He is my God. I'm frustrated, because there's so much other static to have to deal with!

2 Responses to "Questioning My Religion"

Michelle said... Tuesday, June 14, 2005 8:55:00 PM

You're thinking things that MANY of us are thinking - know that you're not alone!

I got blindsided by some huge questions this weekend, and am still recovering... :)

Thomas said... Wednesday, June 15, 2005 1:35:00 PM

Thanks Michelle, I just read on your blog about your thinking while reading the Brian McLaren book. I guess for me I get stuck on the "one big answer", to find a Christianity and spirituality that will suit everyone, all the time!

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